


like it never should have been any other way

by dumbassbitch



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Cute, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbassbitch/pseuds/dumbassbitch
Summary: "You're a good man and they know it, John. And I know that too."
Relationships: Murphamy
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	like it never should have been any other way

I'm sitting at the big window in the control room, staring into the all swallowing darkness. 

Once again.

Once again I have come to this place to enjoy the silence.  
Only this time it will be a farewell forever, not only to this place but to my real home.

For my home, that is not the earth, but the universe. 

Where I grew up and where no one ever knew me as well as the people down there do. Or have done. Tomorrow we will find out if they survived Praimfaya. And it is frighteningly indifferent to me, because I have no one on earth who means anything to me or to whom I mean anything. They don't give a damn about me down there, I know it. And I also know how they think about me.  
John Murphy, who betrayed his own tribe. Murderer. Outcast. Psychopath.  
I almost believe Emori is the only person who doesn't think I'm a psychopath. Because even Bellamy does, though he probably wouldn't admit it. 

Bellamy Blake and I are very different people. Him the great leader and fighter who never backs down. Who, like Clarke, always wants to save everyone, and yet Bellamy has one weakness. Octavia.  
I'm absolutely sure that he would do anything to keep his sister safe. Anything at all.  
Only Octavia is at least as brave as he is and twice as belligerent, which is why he finds it unbearable up here, so far away from her. You can see that in his face.

I, on the other hand, only worry about myself and am neither a great fighter nor a leader, but a cheat and a thief. A little cockroach whose secret tip for survival in this world is to worry only about himself.  
I am a loner, and a lone wolf. Always have been.  
Suddenly a faint beam of light falls into the room and I am suddenly torn from my thoughts. I blink.

"Murphy?"

Bellamy. I can hear him sighing and finally coming closer.  
"What is it?" I pretend to be disinterested and continue to stare straight ahead into the semi-darkness. "You should get some sleep. We leave in less than ten hours."  
I turn to him and have to raise my eyes a little at once. Bellamy is a little taller than I am, which doesn't suit me at all.  
His dark eyes sparkle and worry lines are clearly visible on his forehead. Pitch-black tousled curls fall into his face.

"You look as if you're worried," I change the subject, and he laughs dryly, "Well, Octavia and Clarke and all the others might not be alive when we get back tomorrow."  
Guilt piles up inside of me and I have to swallow as he goes on. "But you don't care about them, do you?" He knows the answer to his question.  
"No." I whisper and sound unintentionally defiant. And to make it sound less horrible, I add, "You know, Bellamy, they're anxiously waiting for you down there. They miss you, they look up to you. "I, on the other hand, have no one close to me on earth. Everyone I care about is on this ship."

And he doesn't say a word until he looks at me again. I pull a face because I know that he would shake his pretty head now and say something exhortative, as great leaders do.  
"I'm sorry you feel that way about her and about yourself. But you are wrong. You're a good man and they know it, John. And I know that too."  
He called me John. Bellamy never did.  
"I'm not a good man, Bellamy. I'm a murderer."

"So am I." His barely audible voice breaks, and immediately he solidifies his countenance. Tries not to lose his temper. 

And suddenly, I feel the need to tell him he's the kindest man I know.  
Even more so.

The moment I hear his sobbing, I give in to my need and put my arms around Bellamy Blake. That's when his facade finally breaks and he bursts into tears, wrapping his muscular arms around me. And then we sit there and hold on to each other while he cries softly and a thousand thoughts flash through my head. I've never been good at consoling, because I don't know any consolation myself, so I just don't say anything.

And things suddenly happen all by themselves, as if there was nothing easier in the world. Like it never should have been any other way.


End file.
